yes but, you see...


sometimes i feel its not that simple. my biggest fear lately is that i'm calling situations all wrong, that i think people are ok with something or i think what i say or do is ok at the time, and then when i look back i think "oh, maybe i shouldn't have done that - i think i've really upset so-and-so". like, giving someone advice when i realise they haven't asked for it, or taking pictures of someone for my blog and realising afterwards that they may not have wanted me to and i've really invaded their privacy.

other people have different rules for whats acceptable and i find it so hard to navigate them.

it's mortifying. you know when you have an accident, like when you're cooking and you cut your finger with a knife, and what causes you to feel horrible is not that you cut your finger, it's thinking how bad it could have been if you hadn't managed to catch the knife before it went further? horrible, isn't it? well that's how i've been feeling lately, ALL THE TIME. i've been walking away from a situation and imagining that i've overstepped the mark, and imagining all of the things that i've made people feel by my behaviour: embarrassment, annoyance, anger, frustration, boredom, offence...

i feel like i've developed some sort of awful social anxiety lately and its really just no fun at all. everything i do has become cringe-worthy.

rain rain go away - now please!

it's been raining for the past two days pretty much non stop. i just looked at the weather forecast and it's set to keep raining pretty much non stop for the next five days.

i may have mentioned it once or twice before, but i'm a warm weather kind of girl. i love the occasional rainy, chilly day, but only if i don't have to get up and travel into work only to arrive wind-blown, soaking and grumpy.

so i'm taking stock and getting ready to have some serious home-time. i've been making stews, right now i have a chicken roasting in the oven to make a comforting soup, lots of warm blankets, books to read and trips to plan. i'm all set. apart from the obligatory trudge into the city for work, i'm not moving from my bed except to make cups of tea.

and for this reason i am really glad i made this purchase recently: have you heard of rachel khoo? she's a london girl living in paris and cooking up all kinds of good looking stuff. i've been glued to her bbc cooking show on monday nights and after about the third or fourth episode i ordered her book.

many hours are going to be spent wrapped up in a blanket and planning some cooking adventures. and that's where you'll find me, at least until this rather unpleasant weather blows over.

above are a few recipes i am thinking of trying out. i'm really looking forward to giving them a go. i figure if she can cook them in her kitchen the size of a shoe box then i can do the same in my kitchen, which is also the size of a shoe box.

i think i need to take a moment


i have found somewhere in london that sells aunt jemima original syrup.
oh goodness do i miss this stuff.
i've been happy over the years with golden syrup, i'll buy maple if i'm feeling in the mood to splash out
but nothing beats aunt jemima, no sir

where did i find this miracle? 
at the indian shop across the road from the hindu temple in north london, 
of course. 
i purchased it with my samosas. no joke.