How to :: Deal With Difficult People


Sometimes life throws you together with people who really get you down. I've never really had much tolerance for problems I can't solve. If I don't like something I cut it loose and leave it behind, or I change it. But I can't just sit with it, because it's all I can focus on and think about. I'm not so good at just letting stuff go, I'm a problem solver. It's just who I am.

But what happens when the problem can't be solved? You're stuck with it, or someone, and you just have to deal. The solution doesn't rest in your hands to make a change, and you just have to... live with it. 

The idea of just 'living with it' gives me the shivers, but that's just life. You can't control everything! So I've come up with some plans for making peace with people or things that you are just stuck with.

1 :: Remind yourself it isn't forever. Chances are the situation will pass eventually, even if it's weeks, months, or years. It isn't forever. 

2 :: Remind yourself that you're aiming to make peace with it. Every day, ten times a day if necessary, say "this is out of my control, I can't do anything to change it, it is not my responsibility". Just remembering that there isn't anything you should be doing helps to alleviate some of the frustration and pressure.

3 :: Remind yourself that there may be more to the situation than you are aware of. There may be contributing factors that you don't know about, that if you did, may make you feel differently. You can't know everyone's story, so try a little compassion, even if it's hard... so, so hard.

4 :: Remind yourself that you may unwittingly be feeding the situation with your own insecurities. As much as it pains me to admit it, I'm starting to believe more and more that the traits that frustrate us the most in other people, are the ones that we dislike most in ourselves. That doesn't at all mean you should blame yourself, but I think there's a lot of sense in taking some time to really think about why this person, thing or situation is really bothering you.

5 :: Remind yourself that you're a good person, and you do good things. This one has helped me most of all. If I repeat to myself that I'm a good person and I try my best, it really calms me down. Sometimes I forget that the solution doesn't always rest with me, and because I'm unable to solve the problem, I'm failing myself.

6 :: Minimise the time and interaction you have with the person that's bringing you down. This might seem obvious, but sometimes annoyances can make you confrontational, and that means you invest more time and energy hammering away at a problem you can't change. If you have to have this person or problem in your life, minimise the contact.

Have I missed any tips? How do you deal with difficult people. 

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